The thing about Speed Dating…

It’s the Friday night before I fly to the US and instead of frantically packing, I spend it Speed Dating at an event in Makati. I’ve always been curious so when my friend Keit called to invite me, I was game. A few new friends can’t hurt, I figure.

The Mechanics of Speed Dating

So I get to the venue and I’m a mix between nervous and excited. It’s a Filipino-Chinese event so all the attendees need to have this prerequisite to participate. Anyone who is friends with me knows that although I am Chinese by blood, I really am 100% Filipino. I instantly feel a little left out because everyone seems predominantly Chinese but it’s too late to back out. I bump into a few people that I know which is comforting yet a little embarrassing. “Oh no.. what will they think of me now that they’ve seen me here, do I seem desperate?” I resist the urge to run and hide. Instead, I constantly remind myself that I’m there just for fun and to not take it too seriously.

Speed Dating is the most artificial social setting imaginable. It’s almost like a science experiment. Picture this, 54 people (around 27 guys and girls) thrown into a room and forced to interact for a specific amount of time. I was given a sheet of paper with all the male participants and was to check off “interested” or “not interested” based on the allotted 3 minute interaction. Given the time constraint, I found that we ended up talking about “the basics” – where you’re from, what you do for a living, your age, which schools (highschool and college) you went to. If there is a little more time, we talked about whether it’s your first time speed dating and how it’s going so far. Usually that’s all that can be covered in 3 minutes. Very few times did we deviate from this standard spiel. Depending on chemistry, 3 minutes is either way too long or not long enough. Inevitably, the bell rings and I’m facing a new person. It’s forced to be sure, you have to really engage in small talk. What’s crazy is you have to repeat this process about 30 times.

I was enthusiastic in the beginning. As the night wore on, my energy began to fade and I got tired of talking about the same stuff. I started telling my “dates” random stuff just to spice up the conversation. Some responded well, others stuck to “the basics.” To sum them all up, I met an assassin (attempt at humor, doubt he was really an assassin), a guy I knew I was going to block from Facebook after the 3rd minute ended, a photographer, a bunch of IT guys, a bunch of engineers, a few banking consultants, a world traveler, a couple of guys in construction businesses, and a gay guy. (what the- ?) Personalities ranged from loud and overconfident to shy and awkward. Some were there out of curiosity, some got dragged into it, some were veteran speed daters(wow!), some for the heck of it and others seriously looking for relationships. All in all, they were all pretty good dates, definitely real nice guys and I had a fun and interesting time.

Check as you go

I thought it was rude to check off my “interested/not interested” list as I went along so I waited until the very end to do so. This was a mistake. Due to the sheer volume of interactions, many of the dates fused together in my mind and at the end of the night, I was looking at my list thinking “Oh no, who is ____ again?” I had no clue who some of them were. I had a little help because I had made little notes for some, and others I recalled as instant No or Yes. Those were easy to decide. But the rest of the guys I couldn’t remember were “in the middle” dates – ones who seemed sweet, genuinely nice, were a little dry, quite shy and definitely needed more than 3 minutes to make an impression. I wonder if these “in the middle” guys are a symbol of the nice guys out there that are borderline forgettable and easily overshadowed by the confident flashy boys. I felt bad. I wanted to check them all off as interested (around 10ish names) but I checked most of them not interested. (Sorry Guys..) I guess there’s a reason I don’t really remember them. But then again, I bet most of them don’t remember me either. 3 minutes really isn’t enough to do anyone justice.

By the way I have to put this out there — indicating “interested” made me feel a little wary because my intent was to make friends first not romantic connections. A relationship is not born from 3 minutes of talk time. While most of the boys there knew this, the few seriously looking ones.. I don’t know.

The Numbers Game

For you to get in touch with the date that intrigued you the most, they have to be interested in you too. If the interest is mutual (as indicated by the list) that’s the only time the organizers will provide you with their contact information. I was interested in about 14 dates. I got around half as “mutually intererested.” Out of the names I received, only a third have contacted me. This is the part where I’m confused. I’m the girl, am I supposed to be the one to reach out? I realized that if no one takes initiative to make contact, then the speed dating will all be in vain.

The Psychology behind the Uninterested

Then there are the guys that I was interested in but didn’t feel the same way. I felt kinda sad because those guys seemed extremely cool and I wanted to be friends with them. But they obviously didn’t want to be friends with me. I saw my list and I was like “wait, where’s ____ and ____? Oh. Aww… they didn’t check me. :-(” What was wrong with me? 🙁 Not gonna lie.. my ego is hurting a little. Haha. Outright rejection hurts!

The What-ifs..

What if I run into the guys I’ve speed dated with at the mall? Do I approach them? Should I say Hi knowing that they were totally uninterested in me? What if they say hi to me and I don’t recall them at all or vice versa? What if they go “oh I checked you” then how do I respond? What if I meet one of these guys in a business setting? Oh man, the awkward possibilities!! I’m already cringing. Gosh. Haha. I know I’m being silly thinking of these things but I can’t help it.

Final Word on Speed Dating

The chances of finding The One at Speed Dating are as about likely as meeting Mr. Right at a club, meaning you probably won’t. However, it’s a great way to make friends. It’s fun and interesting albeit a bit exhausting. There’s nothing to lose. I’d do it again but maybe in a few months. I’m still recovering from this one.  🙂