The Friends You Lose and The Strength You Gain

I lost a friend.

Now this can be taken two ways:

Literally – If a friend disappears (as in dies, moves to a different place and other ways he/she is physically absent from your life and you barely communicate), you are sad because they have left you. They are no longer around so you cherish the memories and think quite fondly of them. Perhaps, if you can, you keep in touch. If not, then you send them your prayers and hope they are watching over you and are in a better place. You miss them terribly and if you were truly close, then there is a void inside you that other friends can’t fill.

Figuratively – If you lost a friend this way, then unlucky for you, you still have to deal with their presence because they’re still around. How? They’re still making rounds in your social circle and constantly coming up on your Facebook news feed. News of what they do and what what they say about you still trickles through the grapevine as painful reminders of the friend you once had. They hold the ability to hurt you further by damaging your reputation and driving wedges between you and other friends. You are sometimes forced to make pleasantries with them when deep inside, you really want to tell them to “go f themselves.” Unfortunately, you have to make nice because social conventions tell you that you should try to get along with everyone. But still, this doesn’t change the fact that they hurt or betrayed you and for that, you can no longer see them as a friend.

I lost a friend, figuratively. While I DO NOT want to lose friends literally, I’m inclined to believe that the figurative way is worse.

I don’t think I can explain this post properly without alluding to the events that led to this realization so I won’t say too much. All I will say is, when I realized the truth about my supposed friend, I felt like someone punched me in the gut. I literally felt the wind knocked out of me. I cried a river because I was so livid and I felt quite betrayed. There was a time in my life that I had welcomed this person into my life, introduced them to my family and friends and by doing so, made myself vulnerable to them. The moment of clarity I experienced upon realizing what kind of person they really were filled me with a whole barrage of emotions ranging from a deep sense of loss and sadness to regret. On top of it all, I am absolutely furious.

To my credit, at some point I was already wary of this person so I’ve been quietly observing them and taking mental notes. I already began to distance myself. Unfortunately, my mistake is that I didn’t do it fast enough.

Someone once told me that if I had more than 5 true friends, that’s suspiciously too many. Apparently, as far as real and true friendships go, 5 is the ceiling. I don’t know who decided on the number 5 or at what point of your life you should make the declaration but that’s the adage and it got me thinking. “How many true friends do I really have?” (Obviously family or any blood-relatives don’t count.) It’s tough for me to answer because as recent events have shown me, in this day and age, friendships are good up until a limit. Few friendships will live to see those limits tested and even fewer will survive the challenges. Whoever is left could be a true friend but then again, only time will tell. People walk in and out of my life on a daily basis. I know to some extent who my real friends are. This person I am referring to in this entry is not one of them.

I know some of you might be wondering now.. who is this person Jules is referring to. Honestly, it’s not worth the trouble. You’re better off taking a long hard look at your own social circle to determine who is real and who isn’t. Protect yourself. I know I will be. However, I’m not the kind of person who goes quietly into the night so I do have a game plan for my situation. It’s not antagonistic by any means, it’s just being myself and letting their weaknesses do all the work. In the end, I know that what goes around comes around. Let’s just hope that this person I’m referring to has real friends of their own because when karma’s done with this person, he/she’s gonna need them.