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“Hey, we should go out for coffee sometime..”

What is “coffee” exactly? Romantic or Platonic? I never know.

It really confuses the shit out of me. I happen to really like coffee so when a guy I haven’t seen in a while asks me to “catch up over coffee” I usually agree. I’m beginning to realize it’s almost never a good idea. I can’t count the number of coffee things(for lack of a better word) I’ve been on that have turned into dates. Worse, the guy will think I’m interested and he’ll feel led on if otherwise. For me it’s platonic, for them romantic. Awkwardness ensues.

Coffee is apparently the new dinner date. It’s non-threatening, casual and inexpensive. The girl’s guard is down, it doesn’t feel like a date and it feels like you’re just hanging out. I’ve consulted with many guy friends about this matter and apparently, guys never simply just ask a girl out for coffee. There’s always an intention and rarely is it platonic.

It’s so frustrating because I want to make friends. I want to have coffee with friends that I have made. What I do not want is to show up for coffee thinking that it’s all platonic and *boom* date pala. Dude, I don’t want to date you, I just want to chill and enjoy my coffee. Now I have to screen every Starbucks invitation to make sure that it’s friendly and not romantic.

Moral of the story. I will not agree to go to coffee with a guy unless:
1) It’s a business meeting.
2) It is clear to us both that we are just friends. As in crystal clear.
3) I am interested in him also. (but come on dude. Ask me to dinner. Am I not good enough for dinner?!)

Guys and girls, please feel free to share your thoughts on the Coffee Strategy. Does it work?

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4 Responses to The Coffee Date Realization

  1. Jeremy Jay Lim says:

    Right! You have a point that it would be good to ask out for a real dinner date.
    I am also within the thought that it’s easier to make a girl agree for a “get to know you” time over a quick coffee break.
    But you are also right that the girl may agree but with no inkling towards something “possibly romantic” about sharing coffee time together.

    hmmm… in my case, I won’t ask for sharing coffee time, I’d ask if she’s free after work for dinner together hinting that I am interested in her. I’ll just approach it with sensitivity depending on her level of comfort and trust in our friendship.

  2. Carrie says:

    Thank you very much for that great article.

  3. Nicole says:

    For me, a guy asking a girl out on a coffee date is so cheap of him. It’s really a turn off for me. on the other hand, perhaps the guy has a tight budget but nevertheless still wants to ask you out.
    But then again, i think if a guy wants to give a good impression he will at least as you out for a meal even if he is in a tight budget.

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