So in high school, I was never the nerd. I was always that person who skated in the middle. A few times, I was in serious danger of failing.. Always had trouble with math and science. Those subjects hated me, they still do. No matter how hard I worked, how long I stayed after class (on make-up review sessions) how long I stayed up, I could never get an A. I don’t know. So, no matter how much studying I would do, I wouldn’t do well. For some reason, time studying and test scores were indirectly proportional. It was quite frustrating. I developed an inferiority complex. I never saw myself as smart or anything special.
My freshman year of high school, I had a science teacher named Ms. Comprendio. She was terrible to me and bullied me endlessly. I was scared and traumatized. I used to sit in the very corner of the classroom and had difficulty seeing the board. Often, I would ask my seatmate what was written on the far corner of the blackboard. One time, Ms. Comprendio stopped lecturing to tell my seatmate “Jillian, don’t talk to Julienne because we all know she’s not very smart and needs to listen in class.” It was bad, I felt so small. I didn’t even have it in me to cry. That’s how bad I felt. Thankfully, after graduation, I never saw her again. I don’t know how I’d feel if I saw her today.
College, I found, was more laid back. I went to a well-known University in the USA. The material and the classes were a lot more challenging but the environment was nurturing. They relied on discussion, exchange of ideas. Professors were welcoming of students and questions. They didn’t mind if you challenged(respectfully) their material. Still, I was deathly afraid of failing. I didn’t want it to be high school all over again. So, I applied my high school routine to my college classes. I did all my homework, studied really hard, befriended my teachers, paid attention in class, took insane amounts of notes. To my surprise, I started getting A’s. Seriously. I got A’s in everything, math, accounting, statistics, you name it, I did good. (The only class I did horribly in was a class on the analysis of the 4 Gospels. Clearly theology is not my strong suit, woops.) But seriously though, I did well in college, I was on the dean’s list and graduated in the top 20% of my class. It was only there that I realized that I may not be stupid at all. I actually started to enjoy school and enjoy learning.
(Ms. Comprendio, wherever you are now.. IN. YOUR. FACE.)
But I digress..
Now, I’m in graduate school, in a local university. It’s high school over again. I’m failing all my subjects. Math, Accounting, possibly even Statistics. Accounting! Which I’ve taken no less than like 6 times! I’m failing now. Previously, wherein my professors, who were members of the FASB actually marked me high. And here, where we’re studying FASB concepts, I’m failing. Ridiculous. I can’t even rationalize my thoughts, I’m so mad. We took a midterm last week, there were only 2 problems, 45 points each. I managed to get a 35/100. How is this possible? I stared at my paper, I KNOW I was correct. I approached the Person who is supposed to be teaching the class. Person said all my values were correct but my formatting is wrong. As a result Person only gave me a 12/45. With all due respect, did you just hear what you said, Person? You said that my answers, my values were correct. AS in.. I could not have gotten those values without a clear understanding of the concepts however, since you did not like the way that my income statement was formatted, you marked me a 12/45? This makes no sense. You make no sense. This Person couldn’t even tell me why my answer was wrong. I’m starting to think that Person just got too lazy to check it, similar to the way that Person’s too lazy to teach the class. Is it Filipino teachers that are irrational? How is it that I can thoroughly understand the concepts, teach such concepts to my peers and yet still fail the test?
This is terrible. It’s so frustrating. Unlike high school, it’s 10 times worse because I KNOW I’m smart and I can’t believe this local university is telling me otherwise. I can’t believe I’m paying money for this. Sad face.
- Hello, 2020!
- Looking For: Place to Host a Birthday Outreach
- Website Problems
- Follow Me on Instagram
- Missing you, Juelly.
- Musings: Wealth
- Assorted Whiskey for Sale
- Mosaic by the Creek
- The Stranger in Ultra
- 5 things Filipinos need to do to be better people
- Melchor Flores and the Strange Phonecalls
- Hello, I’m alive!
- Nanay Elsie
- Diet Diaries: Fit Food Manila Week
- Let me tell you about my dog, Jazzy
- Nahm at the Metropolitan Bangkok
- Separation Anxiety
- Diet Diaries: Paleo Manila Day 4 and 5
- Diet Diaries Paleo Manila Day 2 and 3
- Diet Diaries: Paleo Manila Day 1